Broken Hearts
by King of the Worthless
Summary: Rogue and the ragin' Cajun are being hunted down by Magneto... ROMY JONDA KIETRO UPDATE! Please R&R THANK YOU!
1. The Meeting

The disclaimer is running for office! ALL VOTE FOR THE DISCLAIMER! It promises to make rich people pay for everything and get rid of the elderly! So I see there's a bit of a Rogue/Gambit (Rogambit? Gambogue? Romy? Regue... uh oh. That last one could easily be mistaken for reggae) trend going on around here, so being the sheep that I am, I thought I'd give it a try. Here's the first chapter, more later, please read/review. Oh, and excuse the grammar. 

It was a calm, rather cool night. The Xavier Institute was quiet, as most of the students had left that night. Scott and Jean were watching a movie, Kurt, Kitty, and Tabitha were at the mall, and the rest of the New Mutants had all gone out for pizza. Only the instructors were left with Rogue, and they kept fairly quiet. Rogue herself sat on her balcony, looking out at the night sky. She had always found the dark sky to be beautiful, because of its mysterious ambience. Rogue seemed to love mystery; it made life more fun.

Why she had stayed home was no mystery. She needed time alone, after what she had learned the previous night.

"You are my daughter..." Mystique's voice resonated in her head.

A solitary playing card drifted into the balcony. Rogue looked around, but didn't see anyome. She picked it up, the queen of hearts. Written on it:

_Meet me where the moon is brightest -R_

"Where the moon is brightest?" Rogue asked herself.

**X-Men: Evolution  
"Broken Hearts"  
King of the Worthless**

It only took Rogue a few minutes to figure out where the moon was brightest. Of course, it was only her guess. She stood at the docks on the other side of the city, where the water reflected the moon's light.

"Hello?"

"Bonjour." The man known as Gambit appeared from the shadows. His black and red eyes called to her. But why? Ah, yes. Rogue liked mystery, and there was no man more mysterious than Gambit.

But she couldn't forget that he was her enemy.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I just want to talk. That's all. We've seen each other around. I think it's more than a coincidence that we keep running into each other."

"Yeah, like you're following me?"

"No, like it's fate. You're an idiot."

"Excuse me?" Rogue said. What was wrong with him? Was he trying to win her over by insulting her?

"You heard me. Fate. You're a fucking idiot."

"What?!" Then Toad shot Gambit in the head.

**The End**

**I just had to do that. You people new to the scene, you're forgiven. However, if you fell for Night of Passion or Kitty the Tease, then Gambit's talking to you, buddy. Don't you ever learn?**

**And now, to make the scroll bar appear much longer... it's the rambling end note that doesn't end!**

**First off,  
Let me tell you something.  
Poggle the Lesser is my idol.**

**So the other day,  
I walked outside  
And there was this squirrel there.  
I was a little freaked,  
Because it was a black squirrel.  
Black squirrels aren't common here.  
What was stranger  
Was that it had two common gray squirrels  
Standing at either side,  
Like they were his guards.  
That wasn't the other day,  
It was actually two months ago.  
Anyway, the other day,  
I was driving to school  
Suddenly, a squirrel crosses the road  
But he doesn't get to the other side.  
No, I didn't hit him.  
He just stood there.  
I braked in time,  
But that scared the** **crap out of me.  
Anyway, I honked,  
And the squirrel ran to the other side.  
As if that wasn't weird enough,  
When I'm driving home,  
Another squirrel crosses the road.  
Actually, it might've been the same one.  
No... I think it was a different one.  
Anyway, the same thing happens.  
I brake, and I honk at it,  
And it runs off.  
Further down the road,  
The same thing happens.  
AGAIN.  
Except this time,  
The black squirrel was standing in someone's yard  
While the gray squirrel stood on the road.  
Again, I honked,  
and it moved out of the way.  
Oh, fuck.  
I didn't capitalized that.  
Let me try again.  
And it moved out of the way.  
Okay, that's better.  
Anyway,  
Last week,  
A squirrel dropped an acorn on my head.  
I looked up  
And I yelled at it.  
I yelled,  
"HEY JACKASS!"  
Then the squirrel ran further up the tree.  
I shrugged and went to class.  
As I walked back,  
Next to the same tree,  
I heard a thud.  
I turned to see.  
The squirrel had landed on the ground,  
On his feet,  
But he had the most hilarous expression  
He looked like he had made a mistake  
But didn't know exactly what he had done wrong  
So he was surprised and shocked.  
As soon as he snapped out of it,  
He saw me,  
And he ran into some bushes.**

**Anyway,  
Then I hear that some squirrel in England,  
Somewhere across the world,  
Is terrorizing some neighborhood.  
Anyone, the thing got shot,  
By someone's grandpa no less,  
And I think the local branch of the Squirrel Mafia is in mourning,  
Since they haven't done anything.  
So that's the end of the squirrel story.**

**I guess I'll talk about Evo for a bit,  
Since I know you're all dying to know my opinion.  
First off, let me say that episodes based on Scott bore me.  
I think we've all seen enough Scott.  
You know what else bugs me?  
Apocalypse.  
I never liked him.  
EVER.  
He was lame and overdramatic.  
He's going to kill this series.  
But then again,  
I absolutely hated Toad when I first saw the series.  
So he might grow on me...  
But then again,  
Toad's entire story got revamped.  
I've also realized something.  
One of the guys who harrasses Wanda in  
"The Stuff of Villains"  
...Looks suspiciously like Lance.  
HMMMMMMMMMMM.  
I'm pretty sure he couldn't be Lance's dad.  
He is gay, after all.  
What, you need proof?  
Well,  
After how Hitler's grandson said,  
"Hey girl,"  
It sounded like he was after something else.  
Then he asks for money.  
He could've been metaphorical, though.  
Maybe by "toss us some coin"  
He meant "c'mere, babycakes."  
But that's Toad's word,  
So I don't think he meant that.**

**Now I need to get something off my chest.  
I am not a human being.  
I am, in actuality...**

**...An apple.  
Good night, folks!**

**Anyway, the rambling has ended.**


	2. Love is in the Air

DON'T YOU EVER LEARN?!  
  
  
  
  
  
This got more positive responses than I had expected... I'm actually a little creeped out now. Thanks, guys. 


	3. Midnight Call

Poggle the Lesser placed the large, white posterboard sheet on the wall, taping it in place. He stood back as Max Rebo walked up to him.  
  
"Poggle, you're running for Student Council President?"  
  
"Yep."   
  
Remy Lebeau walked down the hallway with Rogue, the whore. They stopped in front of the poster.  
  
"Poggle the Lesser for Student Council President?" Remy turned to Poggle. "You're running for student council?"  
  
"Yeah. It'll be tough, but I know I can do it."  
  
"Yeah, because any loser can get into student council, the Lesser."  
  
"Oh really? I'd like to see YOU try!"  
  
"I could make it WITHOUT trying!"  
  
"We'll see about that, Lebeau. Later!" Poggle and Max Rebo walked off. Remy and Rogue kept looking at the poster.  
  
"Remy, don't tell me you-"  
  
"If the Lesser can do it, so can I! Now..." Remy stared at the poster. "Ok, first thing's first. I need to make some posters. Round the guys up."  
  
--------------------  
  
"...You're... running for student council?!" Remy's mother said, on the verge of laughter. "I didn't realize you were a FAG, Remy!"  
  
"Hey, I'm only doing this to beat Poggle. Now, are you gonna help me or not?"  
  
"Alright, alright. I'll be your campaign manager. Now, first thing ya gotta do is put up some posters."  
  
"I'll take care of that," Rogue said, tearing a poster from the wall, flipping it over, and writing on it.  
  
"Ok, yeah, that's good... now we need some propaganda..." Remy's mother looked at Bill O'Reilly.  
  
"Yeah, I can take care of it. They'll vote Lebeau if they know what's good for them."  
  
"No, chill, Bill O'Reilly just... uh... pretend the Lesser paid you to support him," Remy's mother explained as Rogue taped a giant sign to Bill O'Reilly's chest. Bill O'Reilly looked down at it.  
  
"Uh... vote... the Lesser...?" Bill O'Reilly read as Rogue taped a similar sign to his back. Remy remained seating, watching.  
  
"Whore, how do you know this'll work?"  
  
"Simple," Rogue said, before Remy's mother could turn to look at Remy. "Everyone knows you hang out with us, so if they see that Bill O'Reilly's supporting the Lesser, they'll figure that he cheated by turning his competitor's friends against him. Simple, isn't it?"  
  
"Uh... I guess that works. Ok, Rogue, get those posters taped up, Bill O'Reilly, go tell people to vote for the Lesser, and your mom... uh... your mom can... uh..."  
  
Rogue quickly put a "Vote the Lesser" sign around Remy's mother's neck. "Yeah, perfect."  
  
"Dammit, why do I gotta do this, too?!"  
  
"Hey, it was YOUR idea!" Bill O'Reilly yelled. Not one to argue with the Jerk, Remy's mother shrugged and hopped off.  
  
Remy put his feet up on the table and his hands behind his head. the Lesser wouldn't know what hit him.  
  
--------------------  
  
"Hey, y'all! Vote Poggle the Lesser, he's number one!" Remy's mother yelled, drawing attention to himself. If there was anything he hated, it was drawing attention to himself. But if he didn't, Remy would probably get mad at him. And if there was anything he hated more than drawing attention to himself, it was aggravating Remy. So his only real option was to go with his own plan and draw attention to himself. He stopped thinking about it, having already confused himself.  
  
"Hey, isn't Lebeau running against him?" one guy asked. Remy's mother turned to face him.  
  
"Yeah, but why vote Lebeau when you can vote the Lesser?"  
  
"Aren't you Lebeau' friend?"  
  
"Not when I'm gettin' paid a hundred big ones, no."  
  
"What? How typical! I'm not voting for Poggle!" Remy's mother smiled as the guy walked off.  
  
"Vote for the Lesser!"  
  
--------------------  
  
Bill O'Reilly was having considerably worse luck. Even if he WAS a walking billboard, almost literally, nobody seemed to pay attention to him. Maybe it was because he had a tendency to bully everyone...   
  
"Aren't you listening?! I said 'vote the Lesser!'"  
  
...Or maybe it was because everyone was in class.  
  
"Hey, Bill O'Reilly, vhat are you doing here?" a dog asked, having taken a break to get a drink of water.  
  
"Uh... vote the Lesser. And don't call me Bill O'Reilly."  
  
"Ja, I'm voting for him... are you?"  
  
"Uh... yeah."  
  
"But aren't you Remy's friend?"  
  
"Uh... vote the Lesser."  
  
"Vhat's going on here?"  
  
"I told you, fuzzball, vote the Lesser, now get lost!"  
  
"Vait... vhy are you supporting Poggle?"  
  
"Uh... he paid me to. Now go away before I pound your face in!"  
  
"Zis can't be right... I don't have time to argue now, I've got to get back to class." a dog walked off.  
  
"Alright, vote the Lesser!"  
  
--------------------  
  
Rogue zoomed through the hallway, taking Poggle's posters with him. He had collected most, if not all of his posters and took them with him to the restroom.  
  
He whipped out a few markers and began writing "Vote Lebeau for Student Council President" on the back of the posters. Suddenly, The Class Slut walked in.  
  
"Hey! What are you doing in the mens' room?!"  
  
Perhaps Rogue had been in too much of a hurry.  
  
"Uh... well, you see, since I move at the speed of light, I can't afford to looked at every sign I pass by. Naturally, you wouldn't understand that."  
  
"Get out before I tell someone!"  
  
"Oh, I'm really scared, The Class Slut!"  
  
"Stop that! At least my hair's a NORMAL color!"  
  
"You don't think silver is normal, you ditz?"  
  
"Not according to my standards!"  
  
"That's it! You're going down!" Rogue took a fighting stance.  
  
"I won't sink to your level. I'm leaving." The Class Slut walked out of the restroom.   
  
"Haha, sucker," Rogue whispered to himself as he picked the posters back up and began to write.  
  
--------------------  
  
The students of Bayville had gathered in the auditorium for the Student Council debates. Before the debates had been established, it was all one big popularity contest. Well, not that it still wasn't.  
  
"...And finally," Ms. Shaq Fu announced, "Our last debate of the night is between Poggle the Lesser and Remy Lebeau, running for Student Council President." There was mild applause and a few loud yawns as Poggle and Remy walked to their podiums.   
  
"Thank you. As you all know, I am Poggle the Lesser, Student Council President for the last two years running. If I'm re-elected, I'll run things just as smoothly as before."  
  
"Right," Ms. Shaq Fu said. "Now, our first question, for Mr. the Lesser. How do you feel about the current situation following the slap incident last week?"  
  
"Uh... the slap incident?" Poggle was clearly not prepared. "Well... I... think that we need to make sure that the cheese used in the cafeteria is cheddar and not parmesan."  
  
"Mr. Lebeau?"  
  
"I have no idea what cheese has to do with the slap incident."  
  
"Thank you. Now, a question for Mr. Lebeau. What is it you would do with the problem facing our football team?"  
  
"I'd tell them all to stop wasting our resources and win a game once in a while."  
  
"Now, Mr. the Lesser?"  
  
"What we need is a new coach, one with actual experience. Former Texas A and M quarterback Dan St-"  
  
"We can't afford that!" Remy yelled.  
  
"Hey, we've got more than enough money, Lebeau. We should stop wasting our funds on student council festivities and concentrate on a better coach."  
  
"So you're saying this debate would be entirely meaningless and your position would be forfeited if we just hired a new coach. Ladies and gentlemen, this debate is over." Remy walked offstage as Poggle slammed his face on the podium.  
  
--------------------  
  
Remy and his "brothers" gathered to discuss their strategy. So far, Remy's mother had managed to get several people angry at Poggle, and Bill O'Reilly had managed to do nothing, but they never expected much from him.  
  
"I've been tearing down the Lesser' posters," Rogue said, "  
  
"Well, this can't be too hard," Remy said to his managers. "When are elections?"  
  
"Tomorrow night," Rogue said. "I'm sure you're in the lead, but if all else fails, we'll just break in and change the votes."  
  
"Why don't we just do THAT instead?!" Remy yelled.  
  
"Uh... good point..." Remy's mother said, cowering. Of course, Bill O'Reilly usually didn't pay attention to a word they said during lunch. Today was pizza day, so they really weren't his priority.  
  
--------------------  
  
Night had fallen in Bayville, and the votes had all been locked. Wearing his green and white combat suit, Remy's mother crawled through the ventilation shaft. It was decided that either he or Rogue, both being the two slimmest members of the group, would stay behind and open the door from the inside. Remy's mother drew the short straw, so he had waited in the ventilation shaft until nightfall. He'd probably wake up with a cold the next morning.  
  
He unscrewed one of the vents and jumped out. He unlocked the door and stepped outside, where the others were waiting.  
  
"Took you long enough," Gambit said, walking in.  
  
"Hey, my watch was a little off."  
  
Jerk stood by the door, in case anyone showed up. Gambit, Rogue and Remy's mother made their way into Ms. Shaq Fu's office, where the ballot box was being held. Remy's mother grabbed it and began to pick at the lock with a paperclip. As soon as he stuck the paperclip in, he was hit by a red beam, knocking him off the desk.  
  
"We thought you were up to something, Lebeau!" Poggle yelled, standing at the doorway, accompanied by a dog.  
  
"Hey, wasn't Jerk guarding the door?" Rogue asked.  
  
"We considered that, we took a different route," Poggle said. a dog teleported next to Remy's mother and took the box, then teleported away.  
  
"We'll see who the winner is, fair and square!" Poggle said as a dog appeared next to him. Gambit prepared to tear up the ground right under them, but decided against it. Poggle was right, he didn't need to cheat to win. Well, that wasn't exactly his point, but it was good enough.  
  
"Fine, the Lesser! We'll do it your way. I'll beat you, fair and square!" Poggle put the box back down on Ms. Shaq Fu's desk and watched Gambit and Rogue carry Remy's mother out.  
  
"So now zat zey're gone... you gonna look?" a dog asked.  
  
"No, something tells me George Lucas's gonna yell at me for a week if I do. Let's play it fair this time."  
  
--------------------  
  
The Dr. Demento kids and The Cosby Kids sat in the courtyard during lunch, waiting for the announcement of the winners. They regarded each other, but didn't speak to one another, waiting to rub the announcement in the loser's face.  
  
"...The winner for Student Council Treasurer is..."  
  
Ms. Shaq Fu was probably stalling.   
  
"...And congratulations to Mark Desmond..."  
  
No, definitely stalling. She probably enjoyed torturing her fellow "Brothers" as much as she liked torturing Dr. Demento's kids.  
  
"Remy, I just thought of a good slogan for you," Remy's mother said, holding a Twix in his hand.  
  
"A little LATE, mom."  
  
"'If you want to elect someone who's good at sitting around and doin' nothin', go with a pro, vote Lebeau!'"  
  
"What? How would that have helped?!"  
  
"No, I mean, student council doesn't DO anything, ya know."  
  
"Yeah," Rogue said, swallowing some milk. "They don't make any important decisions, all they do is organize school functions, like dances and stuff."  
  
"I'm running to organize school dances?! Why didn't you guys TELL me?!"  
  
"Maybe it's cuz you didn't ask us, foo."  
  
"Dammit, if I end up having to do decorations for prom, I'm going to kill you both!"  
  
"Why us? What about Bill O'Reilly?" Rogue asked.  
  
"He's mad, but he's not stupid!" Bill O'Reilly said, crossing his arms. Rogue and Remy's mother saw his point.  
  
"...And in the category of Student Council President..."  
  
Remy and Poggle became tense. Their friends looked at them, eagerly awaiting either a celebration or heckling. In Remy's case, it was heckling either way.  
  
"...Remy Lebeau..."  
  
"NO!! NO!!! DAMMIT!! WHY ME?!" Remy yelled, the ground shaking. Remy's mother, Rogue and even Bill O'Reilly took a few steps back. Poggle and his friends just stared.  
  
"Uh... congratulations... Remy...?"  
  
"WHY ARE YOU CONGRATULATING ME?! ARE YOU RUBBING IT IN MY FACE?!"  
  
"No I..."  
  
"FUCK OFF, the Lesser!!"  
  
So Remy had finally beaten Poggle at something. That's when he realized that if there's a higher power, it really must hate him.  
  
"What are YOU looking at, Rogue?!"  
  
That, and he could really scare his friends when he's angry.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Late at night, the Cosby Kids of Bayville Boarding House was silent, all its occupants sound asleep, at peace, or at least as close to peace as one can be in a roach infested shithole.  
  
The silence was broken by the sound of someone attempting to open the front door. Immediately, the members of the Cosby Kids woke up and hurried downstairs. Remy's mother was the first, simply jumping down the stairs, followed by Iranian Terrorist, then Remy, and finally Senator Joe Lieberman. Pietro, half-asleep, wandered down to see what was going on.  
  
"Someone's tryin' to bust in," Remy's mother said.  
  
"We can all see that, Mom," Iranian Terrorist said, "Just be ready to take that someone down."  
  
The rattling stopped. Rogue ran through the door, carrying a large duffel bag.  
  
"What do you want?" Senator Joe Lieberman asked.  
  
"I've come to join the Cosby Kids."  
  
"You're kidding, right?" Pietro said.  
  
"You heard me. I want to be a member, I'm serious."  
  
"This ain't some trick, is it?" Remy's mother asked.   
  
"Easy guys, let's see what she has to say," Remy said. The Cosby Kids gathered in the living room, with Rogue sitting on a rather beat-up chair.   
  
"Alright, Rogue, why do you suddenly want to be one of us?" Iranian Terrorist asked.  
  
"Yeah, don't you like living with the geeks anymore?" Remy's mother asked.  
  
"Well... I guess I kinda got tired of all the responsibility," Rogue said. "There's too much to do, it's like we're at a military school, y'know?"  
  
"Amen to that," Pietro said.  
  
"So you just up and decided that you wanted to wing it and do things the Cosby Kids way?" Senator Joe Lieberman asked.  
  
"Why not? I mean, you guys can do whatever you want. Here, you don't have some uptight bald guy bossing you around, and a grouchy biker ordering you to get up at like six every morning and practice dodging bullets."  
  
"Fair enough," Iranian Terrorist said. The others just stared at him. "But before you can show you to your room, we gotta lay down a few rules."  
  
"Not this again," Senator Joe Lieberman said.  
  
"One, you're not to bring any geeks here, especially not Nightcrawler, we don't want blue hair all over the place."  
  
"...Okay..."  
  
"Two, drugs are to be used sparingly, except for-"  
  
"Dude, she's not the type," Pietro said.  
  
"Three, keep all hanky-panky to a minimum, and if you have to, keep it down. We don't want to wake up to screams of pleasure..." Senator Joe Lieberman, Remy's mother and Remy glared at him. "Okay, I don't want to wake up to screams of pleasure, and four, the Original Little Rascals are our enemies. Got that?"  
  
"You mean I can't even talk to them at school?"  
  
"Well, yeah, but when it's time to battle, remember who's letting you stay at their run-down house. Got that?"  
  
"Uh... sure, okay, doesn't seem like a problem..."  
  
"I'll show-" Remy's mother was cut off by Remy.  
  
"I'll show you to your room," Remy said. He took Rogue upstairs while the rest stayed in the living room.  
  
"This is a bad idea," Pietro said. "She's too goody-goody. If she's anything like me, she'll have Remy ordering us to clean the place up and bring it all up to code."  
  
"Or worse," Senator Joe Lieberman said, "We'll be going on diets."  
  
"If worse comes to worse, we still outnumber her," Iranian Terrorist said. "Even if she can phase, she can't avoid us all for long."  
  
--------------------   
  
Remy opened the door to a room at the end of the hallway and showed Rogue in. The bed wasn't too soft, and the walls were chipping and cracked. She laid down on the bed.  
  
"Yeah, this used to be The Class Slut's room, actually," Remy said. "Make yourself comfortable."  
  
"Not bad," Rogue said. "Of course, I'll have to clean it up a bit before it feels like home."  
  
"Yeah, well, there's no pressure here to get an education, so if you want to stay home, that's fine by us. We're all basically on our own for breakfast, but we just went shopping yesterday. Just don't eat too close to Senator or Mom."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"Listen, I think it's cool that you want to join, really, but watch it. This place is no walk in the park and the others aren't gonna cut you any slack."  
  
"I can handle it. How hard can it be?"  
  
--------------------  
  
Rogue sat at the breakfast table with Senator Joe Lieberman, Remy's mother and Pietro, eating a bowl of cereal. Remy wasn't awake yet, but she had decided to go about the day without having him guide her. After all, if she was going to live there, she'd have to get used to it.  
  
"Hey, new girl," Senator Joe Lieberman said, "You going to school?"  
  
"Yeah, Remy is giving me a ride."  
  
"Not even gonna stay home? C'mon, it's the way I did it when I first got here," Pietro said. "Stay the first day and get used to the dump."  
  
"Thanks, but I've got a test today..."  
  
"Yeah, me too," Remy's mother said. "But I'm just gonna practice my fly-fishin'." Remy's mother quickly caught a fly out of the air and ate it. Rogue left her bowl on the table and simply left in disgust.  
  
"Damn, guess that don't impress no chicks," Remy's mother said.  
  
"Forget it, Mom, she's Remy's."  
  
"A minor setback, Pietro..."  
  
--------------------  
  
After much persuasion from the others, Rogue finally decided to stay home. She sat on the couch, reading "Anthem" by Ayn Rand while Iranian Terrorist and Remy's mother watched Pokemon.  
  
"Psyduck, foo."  
  
"Fuck you, Mom. Any idiot can see that the hottest castaway on that island is the-"  
  
"Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to read."  
  
"...Anyway, why can't they just fix the boat? They have coconut radios and all that," Iranian Terrorist said without changing the volume.  
  
"If I was stranded on an island with Psyduck and Machoke, I wouldn't be in any hurry to leave, yo," Remy's mother said in a near-whisper.  
  
"But that's you."  
  
"Guys, please, could you keep it-"  
  
"The TV stays in this room. Books are portable, Rogue." Taking the hint, Rogue moved to the kitchen. She sat down at the table and started to read. Senator Joe Lieberman walked in and started digging through the fridge.  
  
"Hey, Senator, you haven't read Anthem, have you?"  
  
"I have a name, you know!" Senator Joe Lieberman yelled. "You think you're too good to call me Senator Joe Lieberman?!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Senator Joe Lieberman..."  
  
"Hmph. Anyway, yeah, I've read it. It's stupid and pointless."  
  
"That's exactly what I thought! It's like the author feels that she's making enough of a statement that she doesn't have to like, write an actual story!"  
  
"Yeah, and she doesn't even bother developing characters or setting the scene for the story! She thinks we all know what's going on, like we're all omniscient!"  
  
Rogue couldn't believe it. She was having an intelligent conversation with Senator Joe Lieberman, of all people. Senator Joe Lieberman sat down with a sandwich and they continued discussing the faults of the book.  
  
--------------------  
  
The Cosby Kids gathered in the backyard, in combat uniforms. Rogue wore her old Original Little Rascals uniform, until they could get her a new one. Iranian Terrorist stood before the group.  
  
"Alright, Cosby Kids, this is our first training session in a while. We have to shape up so we're in top shape when Mystique gets back. First, target practice." Iranian Terrorist pressed a button on a remote control, then quickly dashed behind a tree and stood a few Original Little Rascals effigies up.   
  
"I saw that," Manwhore said.  
  
"Yeah, well forget you did. First up, Mom. You'll be taking Nightcrawler down. Remember what we discussed last time."  
  
"Wha? That was three months ago!"  
  
"Okay, ready?" Iranian Terrorist took the Nightcrawler dummy and held it against him like a puppet. Mom hopped forward and attempted to kick its head off, but Iranian Terrorist ran a few feet away, effectively simulating teleportation. Mom tried the same technique again, but failed. The third time, Mom jumped but lashed his tongue out and grabbed the dummy by the neck.  
  
"Good work, Mom, but work on your reaction time. Up next, Manwhore. You'll be fighting Rog-er... this dummy that does not represent Rogue but looks quite a bit like her. Ready, and go!"  
  
Iranian Terrorist threw the Rogue doll, which was soon scattered across the yard. Manwhore stepped back to her place. The real Rogue was up next.  
  
"Okay, Rogue, you'll be taking George Lucas, and you know she's quite a bitch with her telekinesis. Now, let's see if your experience with the geeks did you any good." Iranian Terrorist propped the George Lucas dummy up against the tree. "I'll be doing the 'telekinesis' myself. Ready? Go!"  
  
Rogue started running to George Lucas, but Iranian Terrorist knocked her out of the air. She started to get up, but he pushed her back down. She rolled forward and stood up, and continued to run. Iranian Terrorist dashed in and kicked her, but she ran through and knocked George Lucas down. Senator Joe Lieberman, Remy and Remy's mother cheered.  
  
"Hmm..." Iranian Terrorist quickly knocked her on her face.   
  
"Hey!" Gambit yelled.  
  
"You gotta make sure your enemy's not just down, but out." Iranian Terrorist high-fived Manwhore as Gambit helped Rogue back up.  
  
--------------------  
  
Senator Joe Lieberman sat in the back of the jeep, next to Pietro, Iranian Terrorist and Remy's mother, reading '1984.' Remy of course drove the jeep with Rogue riding shotgun.  
  
"It's getting a little cramped here," Pietro said.  
  
"Hey, this is good," Senator Joe Lieberman said. "This whole 'The Party' thing's pretty creepy."  
  
"Yeah, wait til the last two chapters, it gets really good," Rogue said.  
  
"Hold up," Remy's mother said. "Senator Joe Liebermandy, you readin'? How much you gettin' payed to?"  
  
"Hey, it's a free country, Mom, and reading this book makes me appreciate my freedom even more."  
  
"Just great," Iranian Terrorist said. "I'm getting out of here before he turns any more philosophical." Iranian Terrorist jumped out of the car, regained his baRemy and ran ahead of the jeep. Pietro scooted over to make use of the freed space.  
  
--------------------  
  
"Later, guys!" Rogue said as the others departed for their respective classes. She walked down the hallway when suddenly she was stopped by Max Rebo. Behind him were the rest of the Original Little Rascals.  
  
"Hey, Rogue. Long time no see."  
  
"Yeah, where've you been?" The Class Slut asked.  
  
"Get out of my way!" Rogue yelled.  
  
"You know, we heard the weirdest thing, Rogue," George Lucas said. "Someone said you were living with the losers."  
  
"Really? Is that what they said?"  
  
"I knew it!" Satan yelled. "Ze Professor's gonna hand you your right arm vhen he finds out!"  
  
"He's not going to find out! The Original Little Rascals are, like, history!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Donny Osmond said. "We're still here."  
  
"Well, you guys just don't know it yet!"  
  
"Oh yeah?!" Max Rebo retorted. "Well... well... w-well..."  
  
"That's okay, Max Rebo, it happens to lots of guys," Satan said. "You're becoming one of zhem, aren't you? Your becoming a Brother!"  
  
"Uh, I'm still a girl, Satan. And so what if I am?"  
  
"Say vhat?"  
  
"Yeah, and to think you used to look up to me," Rogue said to Max Rebo.  
  
"What? I did? When?" Rogue ran through him and walked down the hall.  
  
"You're making a mistake, Rogue," Donny Osmond said as she left. "You're never gonna fit in with those guys, and they're never going to accept you."  
  
"Why not encourage her?" George Lucas said. "You can do anything you want if you put your-"  
  
"Aw, shut up," Satan mumbled.  
  
--------------------  
  
Senator Joe Lieberman sat on the couch, reading 'Macbeth.' Remy's mother hopped in and grabbed the remote. Senator Joe Lieberman slapped it away and continued reading.   
  
"Yo, what's up with that?"  
  
"I'm reading, Mom. I have a short attention span according to the counseler, so I have to read in silence, if you don't mind. Now get catch some flies or something." Remy's mother made a face then hopped into the kitchen, where Pietro sat.  
  
"Senator Joe Lieberman kick you out, too?"  
  
"Yeah. He wouldn't be all dictator-like about his readin' rules if Rogue hadn't gotten to him... I don't hate her or nothin' but it's gettin' weird around here."  
  
"Hey, you can clear the stairs in three seconds, go ask Remy for his History book, will you?"  
  
"Okay." Remy's mother hopped out and jumped up the stairs. He opened Remy's door and switched on the light.  
  
"Yo, Remy, Pietro wants your-" Remy and Rogue were busy making out on his bed, Rogue on top. Remy's mother was shocked, his eyes and mouth wide open. He couldn't tell what happened next, but some force pulled him to the ground and there was a lot of yelling, but all he could see was that horrible image burned into his mind.  
  
--------------------  
  
"Okay, this has gone far enough," Iranian Terrorist said. The Cosby Kids had all arrived at Remy's room after having heard Remy berating the still-shocked Remy's mother. "This has to stop!"  
  
"Hey, what I do in my room is my business!"  
  
"What? No, we don't care what you were doing, but you shouldn't be so hard on Mom!" Rogue sat on Remy's bed, trying her best not to look uncomfortable in the situation. Senator Joe Lieberman propped Remy's mother against the wall.  
  
"I seem to remember someone inventing a concept called 'privacy,' Iranian Terrorist! I'm sure if you had someone over, you wouldn't want anyone stomping in and interrupting you!"  
  
"Well first of all, if I DID have someone, I wouldn't bring them over!"  
  
"Yeah, but what if that someone happens to live here?"  
  
"Hey, hey, what are you saying?"  
  
"I'm just saying that we have a right to do this IN OUR OWN HOUSE!"  
  
"And I'm saying you shouldn't yell at Remy's mother, since he's probably going to try to erase this incident from his mind."   
  
"If I could say something" Pietro said, "Let's just get Remy's mother to his room and hang up a 'do not disturb' sign here."  
  
"Too late, we've lost the moment," Remy said. Rogue ran through the wall and run into her room. "Look, I'd appreciate it if you guys just backed off."  
  
"Whatever," Senator Joe Lieberman said. "I've got some reading to do." They all walked off, Senator Joe Lieberman carrying Remy's mother with him.  
  
--------------------  
  
Senator Joe Lieberman, Iranian Terrorist and Pietro sat on the couch, watching Remy's mother throw a fit in the corner of the living room. He had snapped out of his trance five minutes earlier and immediately went hysterical.  
  
"Okay, I'm the new girl here, but I'm guessing Mom had a thing for Rogue."  
  
"Yeah," Iranian Terrorist said. "He's been against this from day one. I think Senator Joe Lieberman found a shrine to her in his room last month, but it's since disappeared. Probably hides it in the basement. Anyway, she gets one more chance, then we're kicking her out. Sound good?"  
  
"No! You ain't gonna kick her out! I ain't lettin' you! She stays here!"  
  
"Mom, you have to understand, you can't always have what you want."  
  
"You can't take her from me! This is the closest I've ever been to her without havin' blueboy kick my ass!" Remy and Rogue walked down the stairs and opened the front door. Remy's mother hopped behind them.  
  
"Where you goin'?"  
  
"Out, Mom," Remy said.  
  
"Yeah, but where?"  
  
"We're just gonna go like, get something to eat," Rogue said.   
  
"Can I come?"  
  
"No, Mom," Remy said. "Just me and Rogue."  
  
"B-but..."  
  
"No buts, Mom." They closed the door behind them and Remy's mother jumped up to his room. The others heard faint sobbing.  
  
"Right, one more chance."  
  
--------------------  
  
Remy's mother and Iranian Terrorist were watching something or other on TV. Might've been a documentary or another lame NBC sitcom, it really didn't matter to them, because they had nothing better to do.  
  
"Well guys? How do I look?"  
  
Pietro walked in, wearing a new outfit. A familiar outfit.  
  
"Dear God, no!" Iranian Terrorist screamed. "You're dressed like Rogue!"  
  
"Yeah, she said this would look good on me, but I needed a guy's opinion. Couldn't find any, so I came to you."  
  
"What?! But... HOW?! You were on our side! What happened?!"  
  
"I needed something new, y'know? It was just time for a change, and I figure that if I like, wanted a new look, I had to go to the only other girl on our side."  
  
"You're even TALKING like her! That's it! The bitch is out!"  
  
"No way, Iranian Terrorist!" Remy's mother said. "She's stayin'!"  
  
"Yeah, Speedy, like don't get all uptight now. We're all cool with her, why aren't you?" Iranian Terrorist ran upstairs to Rogue's room and started to pack her things. Remy's mother jumped in and kicked him onto the floor.  
  
"Dammit, Mom, don't you see she's got you all in her spell?"  
  
"I don't care what you say! I love Rogue and she's stayin' here!" Iranian Terrorist began to slap Remy's mother repeatedly when Senator Joe Lieberman pulled him away and threw him down the hall. He and Remy's mother advanced towards him, with Pietro blocking his escape from behind.  
  
"You damn traitors!" Iranian Terrorist zoomed into his room and jumped out the window. Remy's mother followed and spat at Iranian Terrorist in an effort to stop him. Iranian Terrorist dodged the slime globs and tried to run back into the house, but a small time bomb stopped him. As Iranian Terrorist got up, Senator Joe Lieberman picked him up by his shirt.  
  
"You're not taking her from us, yo!" Remy's mother said. He jumped up and kicked Iranian Terrorist in the face.   
  
"You idiots! She's the enemy not me! NOT ME!" Iranian Terrorist struggled to break free, but Remy's mother's pummeling kept weakening him. Finally, Remy's mother knocked Iranian Terrorist out and Senator Joe Lieberman let him drop.  
  
"That's that," Pietro said. Just then, the jeep drove up and Remy and Rogue got out.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"He wanted to kick Rogue out!" Senator Joe Lieberman yelled.  
  
"Yeah, he got jealous of her because he like, wanted all the attention to himself," Pietro said.  
  
"Alright, look, it's great that you guys want me to stay and all," Rogue said, "But if it's going to end like this everytime there's a problem, I'll just be out of your way." Rogue walked away. As soon as she was out of sight, Remy turned to the others.  
  
"Alright, guys," he said. He walked over to Iranian Terrorist, then looked at Senator Joe Lieberman, Pietro and Remy's mother. "I'm going to count to three. If you're not out of my sight by then, I will kill each one of you VERY slowly. One... two..."  
  
The End  
  
Yeah.  
  
This chapter exists only as an update to the story... huh? What? Of course it does. I felt like writing something else out of frustration for the massive "^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ROGUE AND REMY OMG LOL STFU ^_^" influx following Day of Reckoning (an influx that we've not yet recovered from), but since I already wrote this, I thought I'd see how many newcomers would be fooled by it.   
  
You know the sad thing? Some people still don't realize what's going on.  
  
(and in case you're wondering, yes, these are two previously written fics with key names changed)  
  
One more thing: Poggle the Lesser is your god. 


	4. Sabretooth's Strike

Gambit sneezed. Sabretooth giggled. Then Rogue laughed. Also, Kurt and Amanda had sex. Then Pietro and Rogue had sex. Then Xavier and Blob. Hahahahahaha. You're all idiots.  
  
The End. 


	5. Magneto Speaks!

Magneto stepped onto a podium in the middle of nowhere.

"Ahem. Before I begin, I want you all to know that I am well aware that I am breaking the fourth wall. Now then, it has come to my attention that this 'X-Men: Evolution' is still very popular, despite the fact that it ended close to a year ago and no new episodes will be produced. What has kept it alive? Its fans, of course, and as a character from the show, I thank you for keeping me alive, even if most of you only use me as a plot device."

Magneto cleared his throat.

"Now then, I'm not Professor Xavier, so I'm not here to give you a happy little speech about how the fandom has kept us from fading into obscurity, I'm here to tell you that you're not doing a good enough job."

The audience became upset.

"Silence. I'll go through this categorically so that all of you, with your feeble human minds, can understand me." Magneto took off his helmet and put on a pair of reading glasses. "First we have Romy... who's Romy?" Someone offstage whispered something to Magneto. "Oh, right. They called it Romy? Strange, strange people, for certain. As Gambit's chief employer, I assure you that I have run a full psychological profile and background check on him. Gambit is a thief. An expert card player, gambler and swindler, but above all else, he is a charmer."

The ladies in the audience giggled.

"Did I say you could giggle? Rogue, on the other hand, is antisocial, distant, and angsty, and with good cause, considering the unfortunate side effect of her powers. Rogue has been betrayed so often that one would assume she has become jaded and will not easily open up to anyone."

"REMY WILL OPEN HER HEART!" a girl yelled.

"Yes, and stop calling him 'Remy'. His friends call him Remy. Gambit has no friends."

There was much booing.

"SILENCE! It appears I need to spell out the fallacy of this relationship to you. Beyond her exterior, Rogue is a good person, honest, though cynical, and she will do the right thing if given the chance. Gambit, on the other hand, is not so good. Though not as obvious as Pyro, Gambit is mentally unstable. Gambit is manipulative and possessive, but not very ambitious, which means he likes to use and abuse people for the sake of using and abusing them. Why do you think he wore a grin on his face whenever I sent him on a mission? Because he was trying to hide how bad he felt that he had to do evil things? Listen to me, humans. Gambit is a flirt for the sake of flirting. Before the producers caved in to fan demands, Gambit's flirty nature towards Rogue was more coincidental than indicative of romantic feelings, a nod to comic book fans. After all, nobody expected Kitty Pryde to actually go out with Colossus, despite the hints made in the episode titled 'Dark Horizin... is this a typo?'" Someone said something to Magneto, out of the microphone's range. "Ah. 'Dark Horizon.'"

There was a murmur among the crowd.

"Oh. You were. FOOLS! As an afterthought, if you insist on continuing this 'Romy' garbage, at the very least, try to keep Gambit in-character. He was a charmer in the comics, yes, but here, that is a false cover and he is really a sociopath, maybe even a psychopath. I understand many will ignore that because it's not convenient. Very well, but if you will not stay true to Gambit's altered character, at least get his speech patterns right. Gambit does not speak in third person. Gambit's accent is not so thick that you need to shorten every other word and throw in meaningless apostrophes because you hope that somehow makes him 'sexy.' Well, it doesn't. YOU ARE ALL FOOLS."

Tomatoes were hurled.

"Settle down, I'm not through with you useless wastes of space yet," Magneto yelled. "Next, we have Amaro. What? This... oh, I see. 'Amyro.' Pairing of Magma and Pyro, for some ridiculous reason. Because 'Jonda', or whatever you twits call the pairing of Pyro and my daughter Wanda, can be covered by the same principles, I will add it here. The reason Amyro and Jonda would never work? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?! PYRO IS OUT OF HIS MISERABLE LITTLE MIND! HE LAUGHED AT FOOTAGE OF MY DEFEAT FOR HOURS, AND YOU BELIEVE THIS PUNK IS CAPABLE OF HOLDING ANY SORT OF SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE?!"

Some people in the audience shrugged. Some cried.

"Calm down. That's not to say Pyro wouldn't crawl into bed with either if he had the chance, but realistically, he would be gone before they woke up or at worst, he would burn most of their property before they woke up. That should cover that. On to new business, then... what in the world is this? I'm not going to read this, Mastermind." Off-stage, Mastermind says something. "Mastermind, I am not that stupid. Nobody likes you and you're not going to be part of any romantic pairing, EVER. Accept it."

Someone in the audience spoke up, but quickly, she was silenced.

"Yes. Hmmph. Mastermind fans. You're more likely to find Forge fans."

The same person in the audience spoke up, but again, she was silenced by the rest of the crowd.

"Right. With Gambit and Pyro taken care of, let's move on to... actually, I believe that's all. Let me just restate that I firmly believe all of you to be unbelievably stupid. I sincerely hope that all of you will learn from my speech, but knowing you all, you most certainly will not and will continue with your blatant disregard for character and personality for the sake of your own ridiculous fantasies. Good night."

Magneto left the podium to loud booing. Suddenly, a Sentinel broke into the auditorium and began to destroy everyone in the audience.

I'm so getting banned again for this.


	6. Magneto Speaks Again

Magneto stepped onto a podium in the middle of nowhere.

"I see my words have gone unheeded," Magneto said. "It's been over four years since X-Men: Evolution ended. I, for one, am glad that this community has kept it alive, because that means I can collect royalties on any fanfiction featuring me."

Mastermind whispered something to Magneto.

"What do you mean I'm not featured in any? Not even as a plot device?! Alright, who is?"

Another whisper.

"...You're kidding me," Magneto groaned. "They still don't understand the difference between Evolution Gambit and Comics Gambit?"

"No, and they don't know the difference between 'Cajun' and 'French'," Mastermind replied.

"So they're still going about on this 'Romy' nonsense. Are they authors, or are they fangirls? They're certainly not both. Do you twits still not understand the difference between 'romantic charmer' and 'manipulative sociopath,' or are you all just living out subconscious fantasies wherein you yourselves are manipulated by some bad boy who speaks broken French?"

"That's hot!" a fangirl screamed.

"Oh, I bet it is," Magneto grumbled. "Gambit, get out here. Now." Gambit stepped up to Magneto, with a confident smile and a rose between his teeth. "Gambit, what is it that you do in these stories?"

"Je suis monté ici sur une mule," Gambit said with his seductive voice, winking. The fangirls in the audience swooned at his romantic words!

"What? Did you just say that... nevermind," Magneto muttered. "Gambit, what is your primary goal in life?

"Il n'y a aucun savon dans la salle de bains," Gambit replied, again winking.

"And what kind of girls are you interested in?"

"Mes odeurs de souffle des aliments pour chats et du vinaigre," Gambit replied, blowing a kiss to the audience. Several fangirls died of ecstacy.

"Oh? And why is that?" Magneto asked.

"Nous le peuple afin de former une union plus parfaite établissons la justice et assurons la tranquilité domestique," Gambit said, thrusting his pelvis forward. Guards below had to keep the fangirls from russing the stage.

"You can stop using Babel Fish, Gambit," Magneto groaned.

"Who told you?!" Gambit whispered.

"Rogue, get out here!" Magneto commanded.

"AH LOVE YOU REMY!" Rogue screamed, running to her one true love. The embraced, but they did not dare touch each others' lips... for it was forbidden fruit! Upon reading this line, Magneto banged his head against the podium.

"Rogue, what kind of person are you?" Magneto asked.

"AH'M-"

"Please, stop writing the accent. We can all just imagine it."

"I'm antisocial, moody, and I don't trust anyone," Rogue said, fondling Gambit. "I've been played and manipulated so many times that I know better to let myself be manipulated again."

"Yes, so... why are you attracted to Gambit?" Magneto asked.

"BECAUSE AH WANTS ME SUM SEX!" Rogue screamed, humping Gambit's leg. Magneto palmed his forehead.

"So, is this true love?" he asked.

"Yes, it is!" Rogue replied, hugging Gambit, who grinned deviously. "I know in the pit of my heart that the first rebellious, criminal scoundrel who comes my way and flirts with me, then kidnaps me, puts me on a train, and fools me into saving his adoptive father, who he's only saving out of debt rather than affection by the way, is the man I'm destined to marry!"

"Why's that?" Magneto asked.

"BECAUSE AH THINK HE'S SO DARN SEXY!" Rogue screamed, rubbing Gambit's chest.

"And you don't at all think this little incident was an unnatural, forced attempt to pander to the mainstream audience?" Magneto asked.

"C'mon boss, dat's enough o' dat," Gambit said, suddenly speaking with an irritatingly thick Cajun accent. "Remy tink that you jes' tryin' to mess wit' da cherie's head, and Remy tink dat ta da de huk da ne' hat trick don' gun' try to ni' da gator in de bris' ta da geh to mah oh mah!" The fangirls all swooned!

"...What?!" Magneto asked. "What was that?"

"I's speakin' Cajun English," Gambit explained.

"...That's a Cajun accent?" Magneto asked.

"Dat what real Cajun soun' like boss," Gambit said. "Now Remy speak in de turd person."

"Turd person, indeed," Magneto groaned. "Gambit, I order you to be Evolution Gambit again."

"Alright," Gambit sighed. "I was just having some fun. It's fun to sound like a derilect. You ought to try it sometime."

"No," Magneto said. "Now, let me repeat what I said to all of you last time. The relationship between Rogue and Gambit will end badly. Gambit uses people. Rogue does not like being used. Do you think this is true love? Of course, it must be, because the comics said so, and Gambit's just so sexy!"

There was a murmur among the crowd.

"If you insist on continuing this 'Romy' nonsense, at the very least, try to keep Gambit in-character. He was a charmer in the comics, yes, but here, that is a false cover and he is really a sociopath, maybe even a psychopath. I understand many will ignore that because it's not convenient. Very well, but if you will not stay true to Gambit's altered character, at least get his speech patterns right. Gambit does not speak in third person. Gambit's accent is not so thick that you need to shorten every other word and throw in meaningless apostrophes because you hope that somehow makes him 'sexy.' Well, it doesn't. YOU ARE ALL FOOLS. Evolution Gambit is NOT Comics Gambit, and the sooner you learn this, the better!"

Tomatoes were once again hurled.

"And don't get me started again with 'Jonda," Magneto said, dodging the tomatoes. "You know what? I'm not going to get started. I'm too disgusted by how many people think Pyro is capable of having an actual healthy relationship with someone. Did you people even _watch_ the show?"

Some people in the audience shrugged.

"Let me just restate that I firmly believe that a majority of you have no gasp of character, or character development. I sincerely hope that all of you will learn from my speech, but knowing you all, you most certainly will not and will continue with your blatant disregard for character and personality for the sake of your own ridiculous fantasies. Good night."

Magneto left the podium to loud booing. Suddenly, Apocalypse burst into the room, killing everyone.

Except Gambit. Because he's too sexy to die!

**The End**


End file.
